I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
