What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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