Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
