There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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