I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
