Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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