I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
