this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
