i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
