He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
