If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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