u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
