I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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