Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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