whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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