I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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