i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize