Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
