Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
