i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
