What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
