I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
