Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My dick has a subreddit
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
