3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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