Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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