are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
