found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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