I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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