my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
