I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Randomize
