hell yes lets make some ravioli
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
