I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
