But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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