Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
