Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
