Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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