It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
