I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize