I wish I could punch you in the face.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
