so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
