If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize