You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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