physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
