Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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