You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
