i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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