Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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