My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I could make wine with my vomit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
