just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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