theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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