I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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