If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
