No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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