Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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