I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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