THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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