drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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