Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
