I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
