I heard we made out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
