she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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