Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize