I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
