I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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