I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
