we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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