Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
