Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
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Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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