Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
