I got chris browned last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
