Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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