I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
