What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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