Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
