Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
