Can i not drive my cunt home
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
