i think my tv is drunk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
